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Monday, 13 October 2008

That Letter.

I woke up that morning full of intentions to write you a letter. The day came and went so I simply said, "Tomorrow, I will write to you." Tomorrow came and I went out to buy the best stationary the city had to offer. But, the store did not have the best. I thought to myself that the supplies at home were better than anything these stores had to offer. So, I went about the rest of the morning and returned home to write you a letter. I waited a little longer though. Trying to think of the perfect things to say. Trying to remember a good time at school. Trying to remember a special part of the trip to Europe, or even a special part about any trip we took together. I sat and thought. Thought about how to tell you what you meant to me. Thought about how to tell you that you were my mentor. Though about how my words would touch you. While I thought, I heard the news. The news that you were gone. The news that stopped me from writing that letter. The letter that was going to be life-changing. The letter that was going to lift your soul and warm you within. The letter. The letter was blank. Blank. Blank.

Thursday, 14 August 2008

it just feels right...

it just feels like the right time to write. it has been a super long time but i have been thinking way too much lately. tomorrow i will be moving back up to school after two weeks of being home. i am ready but so nervous. i feel like things just are not right. something is happening. i am not sure what. i have the feeling again. i don't want this feeling though. i love where i am. i am super happy.i am not so sure about others.

with this in mind, i am going to try to change. ease off a litle. give space. be there to listen and help. to be a friend again. to sit on the couch again and talk for hours without even thinking of sleep. to not let the little things bother me. to not aggrivate. to not instigate. to live.

this is my vow. to change. to be back at the beginning again. to be happy in love with you.

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

once a month is where it is at!

i take it that i am now on the monthly schedule with my whole blog deal. once a month seems to be all i can fit in.. even though my life is not full of heavy duty tasks yet! haha.

in any case, i am here. sitting in the library, waiting on my boyfriend...yes, that is right. i have a boyfriend. shocked? haha. he is a genius and is in a genius fraternity so in my efforts to one day become a genius, i am at the library while he is at his meeting. only thing though, i finished all of my work way too fast. my last resort was you dear xanga!

but on into the writing...
it seems to me that once one thing good happens in my life, bad seems to pour all around. i am currently working on pulling up my grades which is a hard day's night all together. it will work though. i have faith in myself. but, as we speak or type or read, my sister sits at home...alone. her oh so wonderful husband has been cheating on her. what a thing to do. i am really disappointed in him. i am not even sure if i can face him. you just don't do that people! that is about all the words that i can muster up on that subject at the moment.

but on the happier side of life, i am ready for a good night's rest. my work is caught up, no more tests or projects due this week, and heck, i might even be back on later to talk about more random info!
loves!

Wednesday, 13 February 2008

as the time passes by

it has been almost one month since my last post. time has flown by so quickly. things have happened. for the first time in a long time, i am comfortable in my skin, being me, doing what i want. of course with the final comfort of one thing comes the problems of another.
i must find somewhere new to live soon. with new people. eek. what am i to do. i can no longer stay in a place where it is everyday okay to talk, assume, and place the blame on others. that is not why we are living together girls. we just need a roof over our heads. why can't you see that? nothing in your lives interest me so much as to run and talk to the rest of the apartment as much as my life must impact you all. i need a break from this town. a night away from my apartment. this friday, i dont know where, but i will not be in the near thought of you three.
that is all for now. i am sure i will be back on friday. i have lots to say, just not enough time.
oh yeah, new job in the library. how not awesome! haha.

Wednesday, 16 January 2008

speechless

so, sunday or monday in my languauge means wednesday. sorry. my b. anyways, i am here again. to the drawing board so to speak. the place to clear my mind of thoughts, worries, problems, and so on. i am giving up on any of these postings having uniformity anymore. there are just scratch sheets of paper for my mind. to make things interesting, does anyone know if there is a difference between window blind, can they catch on fire due to direct sunlight, why are mine warped? my window blinds have successfully turned a brown/red shade exactly where the sun beams down into my room. during the middle of the day when the sun is at its hottest, my room smells of burning plastic. i want this fixed but for some odd reason, i know that housing will blame it on me...i should just go buy new ones to save time and all the hassle that will arise from simply asking for something fixed. living here reminds me of a great quote from a great movie...Dumb and Dumber..." we've got no jobs, we've got no money, are pets headsss are falling offff!"

insanity.stay the hell away from me. that is what i have to say. lately i have been over thinking poop. everything. i am a worry wort. i have been trying to make things go the way that i want them but in turn they are going the complete opposite way. i have been trying to be the master decision maker and it just is not working that way. not really sure what to do anymore. problems stay in my mind. i can not push them to the side anymore. maybe my brain is overflowing. maybe i just need to tell someone. talk it out. get it off of my chest. in a secret way, i think i am semi doing that now. just very vague. say what you need to say.......

just sitting, thinking, watching the world outside of my burnt window blinds.